After 6 months of recovery, I finally went back up to the Royal Papworth Hospital in Cambridge, where I was undergoing my ECMO treatment. Six months ago, the doctors and nurses at Papworth hospital told me that they would see me back in September running down the hospital halls and they were right. Six months later I did come back, with a huge smile on my face.
I still remember this one day in the late morning, I started feeling very emotional. I just kept crying and I felt horrible. I was frustrated, upset and uncomfortable. My parents and doctors tried to talk to me, to try and make me feel better, but it wasn’t working. Then, my nurse for the day came up with the idea of taking me out to get some fresh air. And as lame as it sounds, it was genuinely one of the most exciting moments of my life. After being in the same ICU room in isolation for 2 and a half weeks straight, having the opportunity to go out for a bit was so exciting to me. It took 4 nurses and a total of 45 minutes to get me onto a wheelchair, with all my lines still intact. I only ended up staying outside for a total of 5 minutes before I started feeling uncomfortable again from sitting. The nurses then took me back up and it took another 30 minutes to get me back onto my hospital bed. All of this work and effort to just get me outside for fresh air for 5 minutes, to put a smile on my face and not once did they complain. They were so understanding and caring, it is hard to think that people like this actually exist.
Words cannot even describe how amazing these people are. From holding my hand and comforting me through my panic attacks, telling me it will all be fine, to sitting next to my bedside and watching Netflix shows with me on my iPad. They were there for me at my absolute worst, not judging or complaining. Not only am I immensely and eternally thankful for these doctors and nurses, but also to life….
While I was in hospital, there were two other patients with me on ECMO. All three of our families were going through the same feelings of pain and anxiety. There was a 24-year-old woman, a 50-year-old man and I. Every day, all three of our families would wait out in the waiting room and they soon formed a small bond because of their loved ones being in the exact same critical situation. I was the first to improve and soon got transferred to another hospital, but they remained. My family and I always wondered what happened to them, if they survived or if they didn’t but we didn’t know. It wasn’t until I went to visit Papworth did, I get my answer. They both didn’t make it.
This instantly brought tears to my eyes. All three of us in the exact same position at the exact same time, but only I survived. It brought a bit of guilt. Why did I live and not them? I did always think maybe they didn’t make it, but when it was said to me, it came as such a shock. If there’s one thing this has taught me it’s how precious life is. Don’t take it for granted because you don’t know what can happen and how much of a turn your life can take, for you and your loved ones. Always be grateful and savor all the good moments that come your way.
At the time, it was hard for me to believe that I would have recovered this much considering the severe state I was in. Talking to the nurses and doctors, they were surprised at how far I had come in my recovery. The amount I recovered in 6 months would normally take the average person 1-2 years. Yes, age makes a big difference, because of my young age, my body had the energy and strength to boost itself back up. But it’s not only age, its mindset too. I was told, the more positive you are the faster you can recover. Many of their ECMO patients don’t return to visit after their traumatic experience. I was one of the very few that decided to go back. I try not to think of this as a bad life changing experience, but more of a learning journey. A learning journey that I am still on. I do still think about everything and it still gets me emotional, but time will soon heal everything. It was a big journey for me and a pretty hard one too. But, its moments like this that have made me stronger, better and grateful.
